It's not true. I'm afraid of what is coming. I'm afraid of the worst. This is possibly the greatest admission of my greatest weakness, that deep inside me lurks a pessimist and a slave of reality, someone who lies embittered by the frustrations of his idealism. I'm afraid of that person. I'm afraid of the worst.
You see, the problem of evil still gives me goosebumps. Why is life so unfair to us. Why, in the face of uncertainty, I tend to think of the wrong side of the coin, the negative, the tails? What if it happens, what shall I do. All will be lost, that's what the bad side of me would think, yet something else prevents me from sinking to that pit of hopelessness.
There's good inside, and I'm aware of it. The vile and the sinful that is inside me rejects him as silly, the cause of all my pain and suffering. He calls it my expectations, and he says that I shouldn't do that. Life is a series of survival reels. You're a biologist JM, for pete's sake, understood then that everything is meaningless. You're here to eat the other person alive to keep on living yourself.
By God! I'm a human being! An agent of the Lord. And to His I offer all these tribulations. Who are you to call me an animal? A pessimist? A faithless subject in a life governed by natural laws? Who are you then, someone who can never answer the question of WHY do we exist?
By God! I'm a human being! And I'm fragile, I'm weak! Oh Lord, give me strength that I may face the cross you've set upon me. My God! Guide me, steer me! And spare me this suffering, and help my reeling faith, like Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane.
Thy Will Be Done.
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